…to become civilized.
Thoughts have been brewing these past few days on hot topics floating around the blogosphere and the newswires and these are the conclusions I’ve drawn from fellow bloggers, the Internet and the News that are for me a reflection of the greater issues which shape our world today. They are listed below in no particular order other than their degree of rage which is based on a first come first served basis.
1- If someone insults your religion you should shut up and say nothing. Those people are civilized Europeans with freedom of speech and hence we, as retarded Arabs and Muslims, have no right to question them.
2- If an Islamic party wins an election anywhere, it is literally the end of the world.
3- To be logical, civilized, and modern you must always agree with the western perspective of things.
4- Everything the media tells us is true. Or to be more specific, everything the media says about Arabs and Muslims is true. Question everything else.
5- Non-Muslims and Non-Arabs can protest everything done in the Arab and Islamic world that they think is offensive to them but Arabs and Muslims cannot protest anything done by the non-Muslim world.
6- Palestinians and Iraqis have no right to resist their occupations. In fact both countries are not occupied but rather being liberalized and civilized by the Judeo-Christian elements of the world and we should send them a basket of muffins with a thank you note every weekend (preferably refugee-camp made and not store bought).
7- An American, Israeli, or European life is worth 100 times that of an Arab, Muslim or African life.
8- All the problems in the Arab and Muslim world are caused by Arabs and Muslims because they are Arab and because of Islam.
9- Bin Laden wears a turban and says words like “Allah” and “Jihad”; therefore he is a poster boy for the Ã¢??realÃ¢?Â Islam everyoneÃ¢??s been talking about.
10- If someone in the Arab world condemns a TV show, Magazine, Picture, Musician or Actor (such as Haifa Wahbe or Ruby) for having a negative affect on the youth then they are backwards ultra-conservative Muslims who want to see every women in a burqa.
11- Because Arabs and Muslims have not been able to solve the greater problems in their world such as liberating Palestine, Iraq, splitting the red sea and colonizing Mars, then all the smaller problems (that have a greater potential to be solved) should be ignored.
Now, in the spirit of elucidation please do not take these observations as mere complaints for they are simply conclusions that I, a retarded Arab Muslim with what pseudo-intellectualism my tiny brain can muster, have managed to draw.
But don’t be so quick to call me cynical or even a killjoy, allow me to offer solutions. The following is a simple 4 step procedure on how to solve all of the world’s problems which have been caused by Muslims and Arabs since the dawn of man. I implore you to take this with a grain of salt and preferably a dose of sarcasm pills that have been helping me out a lot these days mainly to suppress my uninvited rage.
STEP 1- Remove all Palestinians from Palestine. Put them in a desert somewhere in Libya. If Israel ever wants more living room space, maybe even a closet or say a guest bathroom, then Jordan, Syria and Lebanon will nudge over upon its request. What are good neighbors for?
STEP 2- All Muslims should abandon Islam, convert or move into the mountains and deep into sandy deserts to be alone with their faith. They should then be surrounded by tall block walls with guard towers who shoot anyone that tries to get to the outside, uhem, civilized world.
STEP 3- Extract all the oil from the Arab world and just give it to the U.S.
STEP 4- Reboot the Matrix