It is 11:15pm. Tonight I begin the process known as cramming. For those of you unfamiliar with this process (typically people of Asian decent who watch less than an hour of TV a day) cramming is an ancient procedure of attempting to cram oodles of “raw data” into your mind several hours before an examination in an attempt to achieve the first letter of the alphabet on a piece of paper that determines much of your future endeavors, or so we’re told. I believe it was started by ancient Egyptian plastic surgeons who’s business was ruined after botching the nose job on the Sphinx. I also believe it was Descarte who said: “Cogito Ergo Sum!”, translation: “I Cram; Therefore I am!”.
Please note that most of this “raw data” I spoke of does not become processed information until hours and perhaps days after the exam has finished. Cramming is more of a sedative for the mind, it enables you to fool yourself that you know something because you spent 10 hours of concentrated studying time, when really you know as much as you did 10 hours ago but now you have a bad head ache. A “data hang over” if you will.
Cramming involves the following Advantages:
A) Cramming allows you to reflect on your exam grade with a considerable amount of apathy. You can shrug your shoulders and say “well I only studied the night before”. This apathy can come in handy, especially if on the contrary you studied for weeks and got the same grade…how depressing must that be!?
B) Cramming is an amazing way to free up free time. If you have any free time whatsoever, cramming will free it up. Mix cramming with procrastination and you have a lethal dose of denial. I do not regret the valuable time I invested in watching re-runs of I Love Lucy….apparently Lucy has ‘some explainin’ to do’ and I just have to see what zany plan she’s got hatching.
C) If you manage to get an “A” after only several hours of cramming you will feel like a genius. In contrast, should you achieve the same grade with weeks of studying, you will feel reasonably shitty knowing what you know now.
D) You will be astonished at the amount of knowledge you think you can gain in several hours and say to yourself “wow, imagine I had studied the whole semester?”. I must be a genius.
Cramming requires the following Equipment:
1) A brain that is working at half capacity (suggested minimum)
2) Some good music playing in the mp3 player
3) A room to pace in
I digress…let the cramming begin…
Song of the Moment: “Up All Night” – Counting Crows
Lyrics of the Moment:
We could drive out to the dunes tonight. Because summer’s almost here.
I’ve been up all night, I might sleep all day. Get your dreams just right.
And let’em slip away”
[nas side note: cramming session will be interrupted briefly for The Daily Show at 12:05 am]
Posted In: Rants