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16 thoughts on “Marrying The Middle Class Jordanian Man

  1. you said one thing that i always say to my friends….. getting married has nothing to do with saving up money!! you can never have ‘enough’ money… they wait and wait, and THEN they realize that their careers are going no where and their bosses are asses and they are married to a job they dont even like!

  2. Nas, I’m sorry I couldn’t read all of it. But I just wanted to say that if you examine the financial life of a couple who get married during the few years before their marriage takes place, you’ll find that they’ve usually graduated with some kind of degree, have some kind of job, but still are financially dependant on their parents in terms of housing and sometimes a car.

    My question is, what’s wrong with the idea of them marrying a few years before and still accepting the reality that they, even as a couple, are still gonna need the financial backing of both their families?

    I don’t think financial independence should be a prerequisite to marriage if it’s going to delay that marriage.

    Also, “bosses who are asses” are more likely to feel with their employees if these employees where married and with dependants. It changes the whole way employers look at employee compensation.

  3. All this talk about financial security is crap and thatâ??s the truth.

    That’s not the truth … financial stability is important, for the lack of it could be the cause of many problems in the marriage…If one cannot afford to start a family, then they should not…

    Perhaps the parents search for that security because they hear about all these young couple getting divorced, but perhaps the reason they get divorced is because of all the social and financial pressure/burden they inflict upon themselves from the get go.

    Naseem, please explain to me how a marriage can be successful if the couple do not have enough to cover their bills at the end of each month?

    And itâ??s all done on credit cards and loans and monthly payments and you get two young people entering the first few crucial years of their lives in debt: a marriage on lease.

    Yeah, yeah. Those people are actually rich, and again the elements cancel each other out. But they do set the bar for the middle class which is stuck in this part of society that is trying to move in to the high class (through pretence) but ends up spending so much on the farce that they fall down to the lower class.

    These are people who have their priorities screwed up …they get themselves in this mess and end up cleaning up the hard way…Extravagance is not important …after all, it’s just a few hours…

    Instead I chose the middle class Jordanian young man because thatâ??s the segment of society Iâ??m more inclined to categorise myself in. I donâ??t see the cycle ever being broken unless of course thereâ??s a major war and weâ??re all brought down a peg or two.

    Not that complicated to break.you can start breaking that cycle!

  4. Hamzeh,

    I donâ??t think financial independence should be a prerequisite to marriage if itâ??s going to delay that marriage.

    what “should be” and what “is” are two different things my friend. there is the general tendency in our society to define financial stability as financial independence. Which is why I don’t know many 30 year old guys who are still financially dependent on their families.

    ______________________

    Iman, the point I was making in the post seems to flew right over your head. I didn’t say financial stability was not important or that not being able to cover bills is normal. But there is a difference between spending thousands and thousands of dinars on a wedding and being able to cover bills. What I find absurd is the extravagant and unnecessary spending on a wedding with the knowledge that one will be in debt soon after. And yes they have their priorities screwed up but it’s part of a bigger thing, it’s not a minority.

    And it wouldn’t be called a “vicious cycle” if one man alone could break it 😀

  5. the point I was making in the post seems to flew right over your head

    perhaps!

    What I find absurd is the extravagant and unnecessary spending on a wedding with the knowledge that one will be in debt soon after.

    absolutely!

    And it wouldnâ??t be called a â??vicious cycleâ? if one man alone could break it

    but you’ll feel great about yourself for not taking part in this vicious cycle…in the end, you can lead a horse to the water but you cant make him drink!

  6. nas, okay! i don’t know what you’re trying to say…Oscar wilde’s quote contradicts what you just said!

    ……………

    I donâ??t see the cycle ever being broken unless of course thereâ??s a major war and weâ??re all brought down a peg or two.

    again, the cycle can be broken starting with you!! after all, didn’t you say:

    Meanwhile every generation unknowingly sets a precedent for the following generation, not caring about the generation that comes after it and what they have to deal with. In that process we often forget that the next generation will be our own children. Our debts carried onto them.

  7. the new fashion of getting married in Amman is the reception and family dinner which i think we should all back. the rich this year are not doing the WEDDING thing where the car in a red bow comes down from the sky and lands in the pool on a stage built especially for it. now they have a dinner for the family of the bride and groom (this is close family and a scattering of friends) and then they have a standing reception with wedding cake and drinks (about 3 hours) although this sounds like it cant happen in Jordan, a country where you just have to invite the man who lived net door to your parents when you were in second grade, or the friend of a friend shows up because your friend was coming anyway and decided one more person wouldn’t make a difference. but thatâ??s whatâ??s happening this year. the cost is low, it takes a total of 5-6 hours, everyone is happy because they got invited, and the bride and groom get just as many wedding gifts and money as they would have at the big wedding. the other idea i like is the ‘bait al sha’er’ or Bedouin tent and mansaf…everyone invited all dig in and they cant complain about not liking it because u can always argue that its traditional.

  8. Fad, about this reception thing…i don’t think it’s caught on and I doubt that it will. count the number of these weddings that you’ve seen and tell my how many fingers they add up to (you’ll only need one hand for the excercise). as for bait sha’er, the traditional bedouin wedding with mansaf, you will literally (for the middle class) get half the people invited eating mansaf with their hands on one side of the tent while the other half of those invited will look down on them with disgust.

  9. lol I think we should all start breaking the vicious cycle, at the same time; we’ll get rid of 6 hours of awkwardness and tasteless fashion.

    Seriously, I like the reception idea a lot, and the mansaf dinner too. Anything that doesn’t involve me sitting for 6 hours while wearing a stupid white gown. And of course will save a lot of money 😀

  10. Nas, thank you for linking to my post about this issue; for those interested; here is the link again:

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    Now, back to your post.

    I totally and completely agree with you but I have to note that there is a lost generation between the way it used to be and the way it is now .. this generation is mostly women who did not fit the criteria when their peers of the same generation finally got ready to get married but then chose the younger more vital females and not those that belong to the same generation … so most men tend to prefer the 10 years younger bride out of pure choice and not necessity generated of their female peers from the same generation are already married … I can comfortably say that men are the ones who started this trend … they just want someone younger and more “fresh” inexperienced little girls to make them their wives!!

    Although this post was long but I read it on stages 🙂

    I loved it

  11. Sorry for the vent. UGH weddings. I hate any and everything about weddings. I can’t even go to a wedding without giving my DH hell for a week afterwards. We didn’t have a wedding. NOTHING. Just went to the masjid and signed some stuff, etc. No 7 cakes, hell not even a cupcake. No flowers, no gold, no flowing gown – just a jilbab. Over 10 years later, I’m still sore. And it doesn’t help to hear, “Well, if you WERE Arab I couldn’t have married you, I couldn’t have afforded too.” Gee, thanks. UGH Call me childish, but what about me?

  12. Iman, I dont see the contradiction but anyway, come onâ?¦youâ??re essentially leaving it up to me to change a social paradigm. It doesnâ??t usually work that way 😉

    so how does it work then? sure, it’s only common sense that only one person cannot change a social paradigm in its entirety… however you can be the start of change within your own social circle, you can be the change that you want to see in your children and gradchildren … don’t underestimate your capabilities of making a difference in vulgar social paradigms like the one you’re mentioning – even if it’s on a relatively small scale!

    bertrand russell said: we have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach.

    To you Nas of the middle class Jordanian young man segment and to the great people of Arab Lands, I wish to say ‘Chazak Ve’ematz’ be strong and of good courage, and we – and all peoples who cherish reform – will be with you. aahhh… i just finished reading Olmert’s address…such great PR!

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